Tuesday, May 5, 2015

20 Reasons why Mormon Women are the Toughest and Sweetest Women on the Planet

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About 8 months ago, I ran across a Buzzfeed post called “25 reasons why Mormon Men are the Toughest SOBs on the Planet.”  

In honor of the upcoming Mother's Day, I felt like Mormon Women deserve some props too, so I decided I’d write a version for Mormon Women. 

20 Reasons why Mormon Women Are the Toughest and Sweetest Women on the Planet

1. Get your Young Women’s Medallion by age 18. It’s like Eagle Scout rank, but for girls.

2. Don’t swear when you’re mad.  And passive aggressiveness isn’t considered Christ-like.

3. Survive girl-gossip brutality without giving any.

4. Get revelation from God as to whether it is necessary to take an 18-month break from education to preach the gospel 24/7 without pay.

5. Earn the money to pay for that 18-month break.

6. Go to Chile for 18 months, learn Spanish in 6 weeks, and convince strangers to believe in Jesus.   Get rejected a thousand times a day.
Return home and be completely normal.

7. Keep the gorgeous guy interested without using sex or body-revealing attire until he’s desperate to put a ring on your finger.

8. Have 7 children under the ages of 12 and teach a church class full of other people’s teenage girls.
Teach lessons about why celestial marriage and being a mother is the Best. Thing.  Evarrrrrrrrrrr.

9. Be an on-call, stay-at-home mom 133 hours a week and then work 15 hours on a church calling.

10. Teach each of those 7 children the gospel before they can even talk.  Get them interested in ancient scriptural texts before they can even read.

11. Shop for and feed those 7 kids with a 10% lower budget than the Joneses. 

12. Drive a Mormon assault vehicle (van). Parallel-park that thing like a boss.

13. Whip up an extra full-course meal to donate to a needy family with only eight hours notice.

14. Cook that food storage like a Thanksgiving dinner.

15. Drown your sorrows with nothing more intoxicating than chocolate.

16. Making sure teenage sons earn eagle rank = Mormon mother earning eagle. 

17. Your great-great-grandmother gave birth to her babies under a wagon. In the snow.  And helped hitch the oxen the next day.

18. Your great-great-grandmother also had to share her husband with four other wives, all while the rest of the nation thought she was a slave and a whore.

19. Handle questions about your religion like a champ.

20. Marry off your oldest child while pregnant with your youngest child.

Conclusion?    Mormon Woman = Grace under fire

2 comments:

Ramona Gordy said...

This is pretty interesting, almost comparable to Proverbs "Virtuous Woman"

Michaela Stephens said...

Glad you liked it. Some would think it a bit stereotyped, but for those who really do those things, they deserve props.