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My beloved brothers and sisters, when
our Savior ministered among men, He was asked by the inquiring lawyer, “Master,
which is the great commandment in the law?”
Matthew
records that Jesus responded:
“Thou
shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with
all thy mind.
“This is
the first and great commandment.
“And the
second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.”
Mark
concludes the account with the Savior’s statement: “There is none other
commandment greater than these.”
Just think of all the theological arguments that have been
ended or prevented because Jesus made that statement! I am so
appreciative of that.
It also strikes me that with certain civic debates we have
these days over the acceptance or toleration of certain kinds of love, it is
useful to remember that if the commandment to love God came first in everyone’s
lives, a lot of trouble could be prevented.
It also seems to me that the love God has for us is not just
manifested in the Atonement of Christ and so many blessings, but also in the
commandments He gives us. He wants
to save us from unnecessary pain and so many commandments help us avoid that kind
of pain.
We cannot
truly love God if we do not love our fellow travelers on this mortal journey.
Likewise, we cannot fully love our fellowmen if we do not love God, the Father
of us all.
There’s a profound
statement for you. It fairly
demands to be unpacked.
“We cannot truly love God if we do not love our fellow
travelers on this mortal journey.” – It is too easy to make love into an
abstract concept and rhapsodize about it while ignoring the practical demands
it makes on us day to day, hour to hour and sometimes minute to minute. For example, this may end up being a
fabulous blog post, but if I can’t go out and put the principles into action,
then I don’t really love God as much as I would like to think I do.
“Likewise, we cannot fully love our fellowmen if we do not
love God, the Father of us all.” – Loving God is best recognized by Him when we
keep His commandments, and there are a lot of commandments that help regulate
the way we treat each other, and even create boundaries for how love is to be
expressed, to make a difference between love and lust, or between love and
friendship, or between parental or fraternal or romantic love. Other commandments help us build our
character so that we can love in a rounded way, more perfectly.
The
Apostle John tells us, “This commandment have we from him, That he who loveth
God love his brother also.” We are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father and, as
such, are brothers and sisters. As we keep this truth in mind, loving all of
God’s children will become easier.
I know for me, thinking of someone as a brother or sister
instantly gives me a deeper sense of interest in their wellbeing and makes me
willing to do more for them than I would for someone I just thought of as a
stranger.
Actually,
love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His
life was a legacy of love. The sick He healed; the downtrodden He lifted; the
sinner He saved. At the end the angry mob took His life. And yet there rings
from Golgotha’s hill the words: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what
they do”—a crowning expression in mortality of compassion and love.
That request to bestow forgiveness is a lovely manifestation
of Christ’s willingness to give love, even if it was one-sided. Anyone who has ever felt unrequited
love knows how painful that can be.
This makes me think that maybe I should read through
accounts of Christ’s life again to see how everything He did and taught was a
manifestation of love.
There are
many attributes which are manifestations of love, such as kindness, patience, selflessness,
understanding, and forgiveness. In all our associations, these and other such
attributes will help make evident the love in our hearts.
This list President Monson mentions shows me that love can
be manifested in different ways according to the needs of the moment.
Usually
our love will be shown in our day-to-day interactions one with another.
We can’t go looking for the one heroic moment of manifesting
love. (I confess I tend to do
this..) It’s the little moments all around us. Which means every day gives as many opportunities to show
love as we have interactions with other people. Every relationship is a chance to show love!
All
important will be our ability to recognize someone’s need and then to respond.
Aha! Showing
love requires a certain amount of discernment and requires exercising agency to
act and not be acted upon (as Elder Bednar would probably put it).
I have
always cherished the sentiment expressed in the short poem:
I have
wept in the night
For the
shortness of sight
That to
somebody’s need made me blind;
But I
never have yet
Felt a
tinge of regret
For being
a little too kind.5
The sentiment of this poem is interesting because it implies
that if we don’t develop the discernment quickly, we will develop it later and
then look back on the past with regret on the opportunities we missed because
we just didn’t understand them at the time.
I
recently was made aware of a touching example of loving kindness—one that had
unforeseen results. The year was 1933, when because of the Great Depression,
employment opportunities were scarce. The location was the eastern part of the
United States. Arlene Biesecker had just graduated from high school. After a
lengthy search for employment, she was finally able to obtain work at a clothing
mill as a seamstress. The mill workers were paid only for each of the correctly
completed pieces they sewed together daily. The more pieces they produced, the
more they were paid.
One day
shortly after starting at the mill, Arlene was faced with a procedure that had
her confused and frustrated. She sat at her sewing machine trying to unpick her
unsuccessful attempt to complete the piece on which she was working. There
seemed to be no one to help her, for all of the other seamstresses were
hurrying to complete as many pieces as they could. Arlene felt helpless and
hopeless. Quietly, she began to cry.
Across
from Arlene sat Bernice Rock. She was older and more experienced as a
seamstress. Observing Arlene’s distress, Bernice left her own work and went to
Arlene’s side, kindly giving her instruction and help. She stayed until Arlene
gained confidence and was able to successfully complete the piece. Bernice then
went back to her own machine, having missed the opportunity to complete as many
pieces as she could have, had she not helped.
With this
one act of loving kindness, Bernice and Arlene became lifelong friends. Each
eventually married and had children. Sometime in the 1950s, Bernice, who was a
member of the Church, gave Arlene and her family a copy of the Book of Mormon.
In 1960, Arlene and her husband and children were baptized members of the
Church. Later they were sealed in a holy temple of God.
As a
result of the compassion shown by Bernice as she went out of her way to help
one whom she didn’t know but who was in distress and needed assistance,
countless individuals, both living and dead, now enjoy the saving ordinances of
the gospel.
So how many ways did Bernice show love to Arlene? Can we recognize all the different
ways?
--She gave her instruction when she was stuck.
--She stayed until Arlene gained confidence, giving
watchcare.
--She sacrificed the opportunity to complete as many pieces
as she could have in order to help.
(sacrifice)
--She built a long friendship that lasted over a lifetime.
--She gave Arlene a copy of the Book of Mormon—sharing
spiritual nourishment.
In a way, the help Bernice gave Arlene with sewing was a
prelude to the spiritual salvation she shared with her through her gift of the
Book of Mormon.
It is neat to see that the love Bernice showed had such a
long reach and affected so many generations, through missionary work and then
through temple work.
Will every incident of our giving love be so effectual? Likely not. But regardless of the effect the potential is there, so we must take the chances that come to
us.
Every day
of our lives we are given opportunities to show love and kindness to those
around us. Said President Spencer W. Kimball: “We must remember that those
mortals we meet in parking lots, offices, elevators, and elsewhere are that
portion of mankind God has given us to love and to serve. It will do us little
good to speak of the general brotherhood of mankind if we cannot regard those
who are all around us as our brothers and sisters.”
I like this.
Even transitory meetings can be given significance with an effort to
show love.
Watching as a store employee rings up our purchases is one
type of transitory meeting that may not seem to be important, but can become an
opportunity to show love and kindness. I like to look at the store employee and see what I can
notice about them.
Often, I may notice that the store employee serving me has
something interesting or pretty about their clothing or accessories, so I will
compliment them on it. (I surmise
that they have to find small ways of expressing their individuality when the
store requires them to wear a uniform.)
When I compliment them, they may tell me about it or simply thank me,
but I can always see that it brightens their day.
When there are a lot of people in line (like for a major
holiday) it can be pretty obvious the check-out person is tired, so I ask them
sympathetically if their shift is almost over. This becomes an opportunity for them to tell me a little
about how things are going with them.
I can see that they appreciate this attention and enjoy having a
conversation with them about it, even though it is necessarily brief. As I leave, I encourage them to
hang in there and I wish them a pleasant day.
I think one of the best times to use love and kindness is
when I have to complain to customer service about something. I figure those poor customer service
people probably have people yelling or at the least bad-attituding at them all
day long, so I try to be extra nice to them. When they have to give me bad news about company policy, I
can see them mentally bracing themselves for an explosion, so I take it
gracefully and then try to negotiate with them toward a different
solution. It’s all about calmness,
patience, and gratitude here.
What other transitory situations have you been in where you
have made an effort to express kindness and love?
Often our
opportunities to show our love come unexpectedly.
Opportunities that are expected can be mentally prepared
for, but unexpected opportunities are
a bit harder because they often interfere with our plans. They can be inconvenient. They can be costly. And yet, they are some of the best
tests of our character because they reveal to us what kind of person we really
are.
An
example of such an [unexpected] opportunity
appeared in a newspaper article in October 1981. So impressed was I with the
love and compassion related therein that I have kept the clipping in my files
for over 30 years.
How neat that this story will be remembered so much longer
by so many more people because President Monson saved it and shared it with
us. This makes me think that
maybe if we run across inspiring modern day examples of showing love they are
worth saving and sharing.
I suppose that the more inconvenient and costly an
opportunity to show love is, the more worthy it is of being repeated in general
conference. God honors those who
honor him, after all.
The
article indicates that an Alaska Airlines nonstop flight from Anchorage,
Alaska, to Seattle, Washington—a flight carrying 150 passengers—was diverted to
a remote Alaskan town in order to transport a gravely injured child. The
two-year-old boy had severed an artery in his arm when he fell on a piece of
glass while playing near his home. The town was 450 miles (725 km) south of
Anchorage and was certainly not on the flight path. However, medics at the
scene had sent out a frantic request for help, and so the flight was diverted
to pick up the child and take him to Seattle so that he could be treated in a hospital.
When the
flight touched down near the remote town, medics informed the pilot that the
boy was bleeding so badly he could not survive the flight to Seattle. A
decision was made to fly another 200 miles (320 km) out of the way to Juneau,
Alaska, the nearest city with a hospital.
After
transporting the boy to Juneau, the flight headed for Seattle, now hours behind
schedule. Not one passenger complained, even though most of them would miss
appointments and connecting flights. In fact, as the minutes and hours ticked
by, they took up a collection, raising a considerable sum for the boy and his
family.
As the
flight was about to land in Seattle, the passengers broke into a cheer when the
pilot announced that he had received word by radio that the boy was going to be
all right.
Can you put yourself in the position of the passengers and
imagine how you would have reacted if you found out your flight was going to be
diverted like this? (Keep in mind,
this is before the day of cell phones, so there was no way to notify people
waiting at the airport, except by the arrival or departure screens..)
Or imagine your were the pilot or the medics in the small
town. How would you have
responded?
What different ways was love manifested in this story?
--The medics were trying to help the little boy and sent out
a call to help, even though there was a small chance that it would be responded
to.
--The pilots took compassion on the boy when they heard the
call for help, and they diverted their nonstop flight to pick him up.
--The pilots diverted their flight again to find a closer hospital in order to save the boy.
--The passengers put the wellbeing of the injured boy above
their own convenience and schedules.
--The passengers didn’t complain about two fight path diversions.
--The passengers took up a collection to help pay for the
boy’s medical care, having compassion not just on the boy, but on the boy’s
parents who would have to pay for expensive treatment.
--The pilot announced the progress of the boy’s treatment so
the passengers could know their patience and compassion had made a difference.
--The passengers cheered the news the boy would recover,
celebrating the success of the medical personal and the relief of the parents.
To my
mind come the words of the scripture: “Charity is the pure love of Christ, …
and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.”
Suddenly it strikes me that the pronouncement “it shall be
well with him” in this scripture constitutes a huge divine understatement.
Why so understated?
Probably this is a case where eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor
entered into the heart of man the things that God will bestow upon those who
have cultivated charity.
Brothers
and sisters, some of our greatest opportunities to demonstrate our love will be
within the walls of our own homes.
Family is truly a laboratory for learning and practicing
love, such as developing the skills for responding to needs appropriately, even
when the needs might be expressed inappropriately.. I’ll bet everyone reading this could
write an essay about all the different types of love family life teaches and
all the different kinds of situations that come up that require love and
kindness.
Love
should be the very heart of family life, and yet sometimes it is not. There can
be too much impatience, too much arguing, too many fights, too many tears.
Lamented President Gordon B. Hinckley: “Why is it that the [ones] we love
[most] become so frequently the targets of our harsh words? Why is it that [we]
sometimes speak as if with daggers that cut to the quick?” The answers to these
questions may be different for each of us, and yet the bottom line is that the
reasons do not matter. If we would keep the commandment to love one another, we
must treat each other with kindness and respect.
I still appreciate how when I was a teen my dad would
instruct me, “Lower your voice,” when I would get perturbed and start to raise
it in an argument with him. He
kept his voice level and calm, so his instructions and example helped me learn to keep my voice level and
calm. How many fights that has
saved me from starting or intensifying!
I realize now that skill is yet another way to show love, appropriate
for times of disagreement.
Of course
there will be times when discipline needs to be meted out. Let us remember,
however, the counsel found in the Doctrine and Covenants—namely, that when it
is necessary for us to reprove another, we afterward show forth an increase of
love.
This also makes me think of something said once about how we
shouldn’t reprove beyond our ability to bind up wounds afterwards. It probably would also help us if we
planned what we will do to show an increase of love at the same time that we
plan out our reproving words.
I sometimes find myself gauging mentally if I have the
ability to show an increase of love to the extent that I want to reprove. Usually that leads to me tempering my
reproof substantially.. or even saying nothing.. The times I have made mistakes at this, something
usually happens afterward to show me that I was way out of line.
What reproofs do you find yourself having to give most
often? Too whom? How do you do it with kindness and
respect, and what do you do to show an increase of love afterward?
I would
hope that we would strive always to be considerate and to be sensitive to the
thoughts and feelings and circumstances of those around us.
The root of the word “considerate” is “consider.” To me, considering others means to
think about what things are like for them and what they might be going through,
and to give them the same kind of leeway that I would give myself if I were in
their position.
Let us
not demean or belittle. Rather, let us be compassionate and encouraging. We
must be careful that we do not destroy another person’s confidence through
careless words or actions.
Forgiveness
should go hand in hand with love. In our families, as well as with our friends,
there can be hurt feelings and disagreements. Again, it doesn’t really matter
how small the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to canker, to fester,
and ultimately to destroy. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals.
It took me a while to learn that blame wasn’t good. For me, blame disguised itself as
trying to find the root of the problem when there was trouble. (“This was caused by this.. which was
caused by this.. which was caused by YOU!! You did this!”) What do you do to avoid blaming
while still addressing a problem?
A lovely
lady who has since passed away visited with me one day and unexpectedly
recounted some regrets. She spoke of an incident which had taken place many
years earlier and involved a neighboring farmer, once a good friend but with
whom she and her husband had disagreed on multiple occasions. One day the
farmer asked if he could take a shortcut across her property to reach his own
acreage. At this point she paused in her narrative to me and, with a tremor in
her voice, said, “Brother Monson, I didn’t let him cross our property then or
ever but required him to take the long way around on foot to reach his
property. I was wrong, and I regret it. He’s gone now, but oh, I wish I could
say to him, ‘I’m so sorry.’ How I wish I had a second chance to be kind.”
As I
listened to her, there came to my mind the doleful observation of John
Greenleaf Whittier: “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these:
‘It might have been!’” Brothers and sisters, as we treat others with love and
kind consideration, we will avoid such regrets.
This is an interesting story because it actually touches on
the legal issues of right of way and easement. (Disclosure: I am not a lawyer.) Right of way is in
England and Wales and describes the right to travel unhindered and access a
route regardless of land ownership.
Easement is in the United
States (I think) and it is the right to use and/or enter the real property of
another person without possessing it.
Easements are part of common law.
They can be created in different ways, one of which is called “implied
easement” when there is no deed specifying it, but an established custom of a
landowner allowing access.
When the woman initially prevented the neighboring farmer
from crossing her land to get to his own, she was probably most concerned that
her consent would have created an implied easement of some sort. Also, we can see from the story that
the farmer had once been a friend,
but had become an adversary in a number of disagreements. The women may have worried that the
trend of deterioration in their relationship would only continue and if she
gave him an inch, sooner or later he would legally take a mile. Can we really blame her for wanting to
prevent a possible future legal battle over an easement?
And yet, this same woman, near the end of her life looked
back over the past with a very different perspective. At the end, she wasn’t focusing on defending her rights from
perceived encroachment, she was concerned about her relationship with the
farmer. She saw it as a missed
opportunity to be kind. Maybe with
the distance of years from the request and the disagreements, she saw that the
issues they had disagreed over were trivial. Maybe she decided she had made an unwarranted assumption and
the farmer might not have ever taken advantage of any access she granted him.
So I guess the message here is we shouldn’t let our fight to
maintain our rights get in the way of our ability to be kind and give people
the benefit of the doubt, even if it is an enemy. This story tells us that the long term spiritual
consequences of making a mistake in this type of thing are regret, and that we
can avoid those regrets if we always use love and kindness.
You would think that this story only shows a negative
example, but it also shows two positive examples. 1) The woman shared her experience with President Monson,
along with the lesson she learned from it. Stories of experience can be a gift of love. 2) President Monson shared the woman’s
experience with us, allowing us to gain the same lesson, yet he also protected
her memory by withholding her name.
Protecting people from possible ridicule is a way of showing love.
Love is
expressed in many recognizable ways: a smile, a wave, a kind comment, a
compliment. Other expressions may be more subtle, such as showing interest in
another’s activities, teaching a principle with kindness and patience, visiting
one who is ill or homebound. These words and actions and many others can
communicate love.
All of these are small and simple things, which makes them
possible for everybody to do. They
also don’t cost any money.
Dale
Carnegie, a well-known American author and lecturer, believed that each person
has within himself or herself the “power to increase the sum total of [the] world’s
happiness … by giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged.”
I love the idea of being able to increase the sum total of
the world’s happiness just with a few words. (Heck, that’s practically the goal of good writers..)
Said he,
“Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the
recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”
One of the things I’ve learned to do is to keep some blank
cards in my desk to make it extra convenient to send notes of appreciation when
I’m feeling particularly grateful for a particular person’s impact on my life.. (Strike while the iron is hot, as they
say..)
I also cherish all the kind words people say to me. I record them in my journal. I also have an email folder for nice
emails people send me. Reading
through those gives me a great pick-me-up on days I feel like I’m a nobody and
everything I do is pointless and ineffective. Those kind words remind me that I have had a positive impact somewhere. They represent people whose sum total of happiness I have
increased in some way.
May we
begin now, this very day, to express love to all of God’s children, whether
they be our family members, our friends, mere acquaintances, or total
strangers. As we arise each morning, let us determine to respond with love
and kindness to whatever might come our way.
Notice that deciding to respond with love and kindness is
something we have to commit to each morning. That says to me it is a habit that can be formed, if we can
just remember.. (Maybe I need a
sign on my bathroom mirror..)
Beyond
comprehension, my brothers and sisters, is the love of God for us. Because of
this love, He sent His Son, who loved us enough to give His life for us, that
we might have eternal life. As we come to understand this incomparable gift,
our hearts will be filled with love for our Eternal Father, for our Savior, and
for all mankind. That such may be so is my earnest prayer in the sacred name of
Jesus Christ, amen.
Teaching
Suggestions for this talk
--Count how many ways of showing love President Monson
mentions in his talk. Challenge
your class members to do the same.
--Share this quote with your class.
“Actually, love is the very
essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy
of love.”
Choose a story from the life of Jesus Christ and discuss how
he showed love in that story.
Challenge your class to try reading the four gospels looking for all the
ways Jesus showed love.
--Tell the stories in President Monson’s talk and ask your
class to identify all the different ways love and kindness was shown.
--Create case studies of different situations or problems
faced in day-to-day living by you or those you teach. Have class members read these case studies and comment
on the best way to approach these problems in a loving and kind way.
--Ask your class members if they have anything they do that
helps them respond in love and kindness when they are under lots of pressure.
--Consider making a handout with the following quote on it
for those you teach to put in a prominent place near their bed-- “As we arise
each morning, let us determine to respond with love and kindness to whatever
might come our way.”
--Ask your class members to think of a person they know whom
they really appreciate at this moment; it can be anyone. Ask them to think about why they
appreciate this person, and then challenge them to write an appreciative note
to this person and send it.
