After the
tragedies and difficulties at Ammonihah, we get this little bit:
3 And
also Zeezrom lay sick at Sidom, with a burning fever, which was caused by the
great tribulations of his mind on account of his wickedness, for he supposed
that Alma and Amulek were no more; and he supposed that they had been slain
because of his iniquity. And this great sin, and his many other sins, did
harrow up his mind until it did become exceedingly sore, having no deliverance;
therefore he began to be scorched with a burning heat.
4 Now,
when he heard that Alma and Amulek were in the land of Sidom, his heart began
to take courage; and he sent a message immediately unto them, desiring them to
come unto him. (Alma 15:3-4)
I notice that Zeezrom began
to be tormented about his sins, and he thought his wickedness caused the deaths
of Alma and Amulek. He had no knowledge of their true fates, but he assumed the
worst. It is easy to understand that he might feel like he deserved to suffer
for what he did.
But on the other hand, it
could be argued that he didn’t
deserve to feel this way because when we look at his actions, even though he
began by attacking Alma and Amulek, his heart changed, and he began to defend
them instead. But that seemed to
count for nothing with him. Something
made him forget his more recent better works and only remember his wickedness.
Satan really wanted Zeezrom
to be miserable, so he played upon Zeezrom’s ignorance about Alma and Amulek’s
fates and put a ton of blame and torment upon him, using Zeezrom’s awakened
conscience against him.
Happily, when Zeezrom heard
Alma and Amulek were alive and in Sidom,, this immediately showed him his fears
concerning them were false. This gave him the courage to act and call them to
come. It would take courage to again face
those he had feared he had so badly wronged, but he did it, and through more
faith in Christ, was able to gain full relief from the rest of his suffering.
I think there’s an important
lesson for us here. Satan tries to make our sins seem so awful that there is no
hope. He wants us conscious of our awful state, but he also wants to catastrophize
the consequences and steal our hope that we can ever escape, or repent, or
improve—all to make us miserable. (And
he will try to make things seem particularly bad when we are tired, hungry,
lonely, bored, stressed, or sick.) We just have to remember that Satan LIES.
Things are not as bad as he makes them seem. We have to take courage and act in faith, believing that
Christ can heal us, help us, give us strength, forgive us, save us.
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