After the worldwide missionary broadcast, I felt like I had
to do something to help the
missionaries in our ward. I hit
upon the idea of going door-to-door to all my nonmember neighbors and
introducing the missionaries to them.
I know enough about my neighbors to share good qualities about them, and
enough about the missionaries to share what they
are about. Introducing the
missionaries seemed like a good thing to do for several reasons:
·
It would help the missionaries get a better
chance to meet people in a neighborly, companionable atmosphere and assess
their level of interest in hearing a discussion.
·
It would help my neighbors be more open to
having a longer talk with the missionaries in the future if they met them. Breaking ice is always good.
This was all good in theory, but when it came down to
actually getting myself to call the missionaries and set all this up, I found
myself paralyzed by fear. For some
reason, I was petrified.
Heavenly Father knew all about it though because when I went
online to browse Mormon blogs, I felt like so much of what I read was sending
the message, “It’s okay! You can open your mouth! Don’t let Satan silence you! You can do this!” (By the way, thanks so much to all you
Mormon people who blog! You are awesome, and you do make a difference!)
But I still had fears and automatic thoughts that seemed
determined to strangle me. So I
did a little exercise I learned about in a book called Feeling Good by David Burns (it’s a very helpful book about
learning cognitive-behavioral techniques for fighting feelings of
depression). I wrote down and
charted all the automatic fears and thoughts that came to me, asking myself why
what I feared was a problem, then writing down more fears, until I had gotten
down to the erroneous beliefs at the very bottom of it all. Then I wrote down rational and
faith-filled responses to debunk every single one of those fears. I’m inserting the chart I made,
for your edification:
Automatic Thoughts
|
Faithful and rational responses
|
I can’t introduce the
missionaries to my neighbor.
(Why is that a problem?)
|
Yes, you can. You have legs. You have a mouth that
can talk intelligibly.
|
Because my neighbor would
be annoyed with me.
(Why is it a problem for your
neighbor to be annoyed with you?)
|
You don’t know for sure
that your neighbor will be annoyed with you. He may appreciate it instead.
Plus, did you ever realize
that your neighbor might be just as worried about annoying you with a refusal
as you are about annoying him?
|
Because then I’d feel
terrible. I’d feel rejected.
(Why is that a problem to feel
terrible and rejected?)
|
Actually, even if you are
rejected, you’ll probably feel pretty good because you will have tried to
help him become acquainted with the missionaries.
|
Because I don’t like
it. I don’t want to be hated.
(And why is being hated a
problem?)
|
You are jumping to
conclusions. Being rejected is not the same as being hated. Even annoying your neighbor is not
the same as being hated. Also,
you can’t prevent people from hating you if they’ve really made up their mind
to do it, so it isn’t something you need to think about.
|
My neighbor might never
talk to me again.
(Why would it be a problem for
your neighbor to never talk to you again?)
|
You hardly ever have
occasion to talk to your neighbor anyway. But even if you previously talked a lot, you could still
say hi and ask him how he was doing.
|
Because then I’d be alone.
(Why is being alone a problem?)
|
Just because one neighbor
rejects you or is annoyed with you doesn’t mean that everyone else will
abandon you too.
|
Being alone means no one
wants to be with me. It means
I’ve been abandoned.
(Why is it a problem that no one wants to be
with you?)
|
No it doesn’t. It can also mean that people have to
be other places besides with you.
|
It shows I am worthless
and hopeless as a person and not the kind of person anyone would want to be
with.
(Assuming you are the kind of person that no
one wants to be with, why is that a problem?)
|
No, it doesn’t. You are a child of God and you are
capable of growth. If you sin,
you can repent and change, so there is always
hope for you. Also, no one
wanted Ether around and he was a
prophet.
|
Being alone is
miserable.
|
No it isn’t! You can be alone without being
miserable.
|
***
|
***
|
What if my neighbor
rejects the missionaries?
(Why would that be a problem for you?)
|
Everyone has a choice to
listen or not to listen to the gospel.
|
Because then he wouldn’t
listen to the gospel and have a chance to receive it.
(Okay, that creates a problem for him, but why
is that also a problem for YOU?)
|
This won’t be the only
time your neighbor has a chance to listen to the gospel. God gives multiple chances. Besides, just introducing your
neighbor to the missionaries may help him be more comfortable talking to them
in the future.
|
Then I’ll be sad for him.
(Okay, why is that a problem for you?)
|
You can handle that. It isn’t the end of the world. You will have tried to help the
missionaries.
|
I won’t be able to forget
my sadness; I won’t be able to concentrate on anything else. I will wonder if there were any way I
could have done it better, and I will feel like a failure.
(Why is that a problem?)
|
You won’t be sad about it
forever. Plus, you’ll find other
things to do and think about to distract you from your sadness. You’re good at distracting yourself. J Also,
if you mess up in the way you introduce the missionaries to someone, that
doesn’t make you a FAILURE. Even
messing up every time you introduce the missionaries doesn’t make you a
failure. Instead it proves you have determination.
|
Because then I won’t be
able to be productive.
(Why is that a problem?)
|
Feeling sad and like a
failure doesn’t prevent you from being productive. And there are things you can do for a while that don’t
require concentration.
|
I have to be happy in
order to be productive.
|
No you don’t. Usually, happiness comes from being
productive, not the other way around.
|
Making this chart was a big mental and emotional relief to
me. And it was neat that after
making it, I had something that I could reference in the future if I ever found
myself feeling that way again.
After this, I felt like I would be okay with introducing the
missionaries to my neighbors, but for some reason I still felt a lot of
resistance getting myself to pick up the phone to call them in the first
place. Calling them would be taking the initiative and setting events
in motion and once I made that phone call, I would have to go through with my
plan! It would commit me to
action. For some reason that made
me very uncomfortable. Not sure
why.
It is important for you to know that I did not work through
all of the above issues on the same day.
It took me about two days to decide I needed to make the chart. And it took me another day to realize I
was uncomfortable with taking the initiative in this thing. From time to time I found myself trying
to guilt myself into action, but that
didn’t work very well; it just caused more resistance, so I decided guilting
myself wasn’t productive. I
recognized it was untrue to try to shame myself into it by calling myself a bad
person for not doing it immediately because it wasn’t true that I was a bad
person. After all, I had the
desire to introduce the missionaries to my neighbors, and that was a good
thing. That desire was me, so I wasn’t bad.
Eventually I was able to remind myself that I could be an
agent for good and choose to act rather than be acted upon. And then I made the call.
The funny thing was, the number I called was for the wrong
set of missionaries. So they had
to call me back with the real number, which turned out not to be the real
number at all, so I had to wait for the
second set to call me back with the real number. But I also emailed my bishop asking for the number and he
responded, so I called that
number. That was the right one.
Each time I called a number, I had to keep making that choice to take the
initiative, which probably could have helped strengthen my resolve, but all I
know was it started to feel a bit exhausting. And I could help but wonder if any other members might go
through a run-around like this if they want to refer the missionaries to
someone. Are we working closely
enough with the missionaries that we can get our hands on the right phone
number easily? Do we have confidence that
the number we have is the right one?
(There’s only one way to find out!)
Yes, I finally did
get the right missionaries, a set of sisters. They were SOO excited that I wanted to introduce them to my
neighbors. And I was able to talk
to two out of four of my neighbors with them. We had very friendly conversation and even though my
neighbors weren’t interested in hearing more, we left them a little more
informed about the nature of missionary work, temples, and even the Mesa Easter
pageant.
I also decided that I should introduce the missionaries to
my Mormon neighbors as well. We have three Mormon families that live
a little ways down the street and it seemed to me that they might like to get
better acquainted with the sisters and maybe they would be able to figure a way
to help them too!
All in all, it was a fun time, and I feel stronger for
it. Introduce the missionaries to
your neighbors, folks! It’s a
great first step in fulfilling your "member responsibility to help find people for the missionaries to teach."