20 Reasons why Latter-day Saint Women are the Toughest and Sweetest Women on the Planet

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About 8 months ago, I ran across a Buzzfeed post called “25 reasons why Mormon Men are the Toughest SOBs on the Planet.”  

In honor of the upcoming Mother's Day, I felt like Latter-day Saint Women deserve some props too, so I decided I’d write a version for them. 

20 Reasons why Latter-day Saint Women Are the Toughest and Sweetest Women on the Planet

1. Get your Young Women’s Medallion by age 18. It’s like Eagle Scout rank, but for girls.

2. Don’t swear when you’re mad.  And passive aggressiveness isn’t considered Christ-like.

3. Survive girl-gossip brutality without giving any.

4. Get revelation from God as to whether it is necessary to take an 18-month break from education to preach the gospel 24/7 without pay.

5. Earn the money to pay for that 18-month break.

6. Go to Chile for 18 months, learn Spanish in 6 weeks, and convince strangers to believe in Jesus.   Get rejected a thousand times a day.

Return home and be completely normal.

7. Keep the gorgeous guy interested without using sex or body-revealing attire until he’s desperate to put a ring on your finger.

8. Have 7 children under the ages of 12 and teach a church class full of other people’s teenage girls.

Teach lessons about why celestial marriage and being a mother is the Best. Thing.  Evarrrrrrrrrrr.

9. Be an on-call, stay-at-home mom 133 hours a week and then work 15 hours on a church calling.

10. Teach each of those 7 children the gospel before they can even talk.  Get them interested in ancient scriptural texts before they can even read.

11. Shop for and feed those 7 kids with a 10% lower budget than the Joneses. 

12. Drive a Mormon assault vehicle (van). Parallel-park that thing like a boss.

13. Whip up an extra full-course meal to donate to a needy family with only eight hours notice.

14. Cook that food storage like a Thanksgiving dinner.

15. Drown your sorrows with nothing more intoxicating than chocolate.

16. Making sure teenage sons earn eagle rank = Latter-day Saint mother earning eagle. 

17. Your great-great-grandmother gave birth to her babies under a wagon. In the snow.  And helped hitch the oxen the next day.

18. Your great-great-grandmother also had to share her husband with four other wives, all while the rest of the nation thought she was a slave and a whore.

19. Handle questions about your religion like a champ.

20. Marry off your oldest child while pregnant with your youngest child.

Conclusion?    Latter-day Saint Woman = Grace under fire

Take Heed to Yourselves

I don’t know about you, but my thoughts can be very unruly.  I have to keep a constant rein on them and watch them all the time, and if I don’t, I end up with a head full of pride, a head full of resentment, a head full of snotty snarkiness, and in short, a head full of thoughts that are not conducive to the presence of the Spirit. 

Sometimes I get really tired of guarding them all the time, making sure the wrong kind stay out and the right kind stay in.  Very exhausting  I want love for my husband here.  [points to a space]  I want patience and kindness right here. [points to another space]  I want interest and respect for all good things right here.  Yes, you.   Right here. 

Sometimes I really wonder why I bother.  I don’t really see anyone else agonizing over how to whip their thoughts into shape.  It’s kind of an interior battle.  I don’t hear very many people talk about how they fight these kinds of battles except when we hear it from the pulpit. 

In the scriptures, it seems that there is a lot of discussion about fighting those inner battles with our thoughts.  But instead of “watch your thoughts”, the phrase that is used is “take heed to thyself” or simply “take heed.”  It is surprising how many warnings there are about different danger zones, but I find these are very helpful because they show me that I’m on the right track to be concerned and watchful of my attitude and my thoughts.  (YAAAAYY!  I’m not crazy!)

Below I will lay out a number of things that the scriptures say we need to take heed to ourselves about.  Some of them I may discuss, some of them I may not. 

Worshipping the Right God and Attitude toward God

Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following [other nations], after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise. (Deut. 12:30)

Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the Lord your God. (Joshua 23:11)

You’d think it would be natural to love God, right?  I’m going to be frank.  I catch myself feeling ambivalent and sometimes even hostile to God on occasion.  This particularly plagues me on Sundays before church, times when I really want to be worshipful. 

These thoughts are hard to throw out, but I know it is possible to do it because I’ve done it.  I have to pray to resist those thoughts.  It takes work to turn my thoughts to how the Lord has been so merciful to me.  I work to remember how the Lord did not cast me off in my most sinful times, and that fills me with gratitude.  I work to remember all the times that I’ve felt the Spirit and have been renewed from taking the sacrament and that gives me the faith to hang in there.

And I would that ye should remember also, that this is the name that I said I should give unto you that never should be blotted out, except it be through transgression; therefore, take heed that ye do not transgress, that the name be not blotted out of your hearts. (Mosiah 5:11, emphasis added)

Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee. (1 Tim 4:16)

This tells us that at we also have to pay close attention to following the doctrine of Christ because those principles will not just lead us to salvation, but lead others there too. 

Belief and Faithfulness

Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. (Hebrews 3:12)

Sometimes I get hit by these skeptical thoughts of, “I don’t believe that really happened” and it is usually from hearing about some miracles that I’ve never personally experienced for myself.  It got really bad before I decided something had to be done.  I worked hard to research belief and faith and this was about when there were a lot of conference talks about belief.  Eventually, I’ve learned to pray to have a believing heart so that I can know of greater things.  I also pray to resist unbelief.  Then I work at casting out those blatant unbelieving thoughts and I refuse to dwell on them.  I look for educated, believing people to interact with because I know that their viewpoints will nourish and edify me.

And he said unto them, Take heed what ye hear: with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you: and unto you that hear shall more be given. (Mark 4:24, emphasis added)

This seems to suggest we need to pay attention to the type of things we listen to and believe.  We need to consider the source.  The extent that we hear and obey good things is the same extent to which we will be blessed.  So we have to be careful that our obedience is sincere and whole-hearted.

Take heed therefore how ye hear: for whosoever hath, to him shall be given; and whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he seemeth to have.  (Luke 8:18, emphasis added)

Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons; (Deut. 4: 9)

I’m observant enough to realize that I forget spiritual experiences too quickly, even if I don’t want to forget them, so I have to take care to find ways of reminding myself.  One way is by writing those experiences in my journal.  Another is by rereading my journal every so often.  Another is by thinking back over the course of my life and remembering the major touchstone spiritual experiences that were instrumental in forming my testimony of the Christ and the gospel.

Sources of guidance

Then Jesus said unto them, Take heed and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees. (Matt. 16:6)

It seems that it matters what doctrines we believe and the caliber of the people we hear them from.

Certainty and Strength

Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. (1 Cor. 12:10)

Even if we feel we are standing firm, we still have to watch what we are doing because sin can creep in so easily.  In fact, so often it is when we think we are strong that we get complacent.  We begin to think we don’t need to worry and at that point, temptations begin to sneak in, starting with pride.

32 But there is a possibility that man may fall from grace and depart from the living God;

33 Therefore let the church take heed and pray always, lest they fall into temptation;

34 Yea, and even let those who are sanctified take heed also. (D&C 20:32-34, emphasis added)

Signs of the Times

Jesus told the apostles to take heed not to be deceived three different times in Mark 13 when He discussed signs of the times.  (This is worth looking at directly.  When you follow the link, the applicable scriptures will be highlighted.)

34 ¶ And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting, and drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day come upon you unawares.

35 For as a snare shall it come on all them that dwell on the face of the whole earth.

36 Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man. (Luke 21:34-36)

This lets us know that at the time of the Second Coming, many people will completely wrapped up in the cares of this life, in pleasure-seeking, and lulled into passivity or drunkenness.  When everyone else around you doesn’t seem to care about the eternal consequences of their actions, it is really hard to resist absorbing some of that attitude.   I imagine that as time goes on, it will get progressively harder to resist.  This is why Christ Himself tells us to take heed to ourselves, to watch, and pray always.   So when we get thoughts like, “Why am I even trying so hard?” this is what we have to remember.

When I find myself tempted to not care what I do, I try to remember the final judgment and I think about how I want to feel when I stand face to face with God.  That usually helps.

Spousal Relationships

15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

16 For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.   (Mal. 2:15-16)

I consider this scripture just as binding on women as it is on men.  If we have moments where we wonder what life would be like married to someone else or if we look at someone else and simply wish, we have to confront and cast out those thoughts. 

I am perfectly aware that everyone has their quirks and if my husband has his faults, so too does every other man, and I am not perfect myself.  I also realize that a different man would probably not have the same wonderful virtues that my husband has.  And then I spend some time remembering back when my husband and I were dating and recall what attracted me to him. 

Relationships with Children

Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven. (Matt. 18:10, emphasis added)

Every once in while (and I’m sure it would be more often if I had children of my own) I find myself having to work with a kid that drives me crazy, and if I have to work with them often, I find myself struggling with feelings of dread about it.  This is when the best thing that helps me is… DENIAL.  (“I’m not REALLY having a problem with this child; I just need to find a way to teach him/her in a way he/she relates to.”)  Then I go pray about it and ask for help specifically with that child. 

Discernment and Judging

Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil. (Moroni 7:14)

Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee be not darkness. (Luke 11:35)

The world’s view and the Lord’s view are not the same. (Hel-lo, understatement!)  In fact, on a good many issues, the world’s view and the Lord’s are diametrically opposed.  We want to be on the Lord’s side, but we also have to cope with the world.  In my experience, it is attachment to our favorite or most deeply entrenched sins that tends to bring us to the point of judging evil to be good or good to be evil.  We need to be very careful that we don’t make a virtue out of our failure to keep the commandments. 

Speaking

I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me. (Psalms 39:1)

“I can say whatever I want around [insert name] because he/she doesn’t really care anyway.”  We may usually say this to ourselves around non-members or people antagonistic to our faith thinking it will bring us some acceptance.  This can be especially tempting in groups when the conversation is brisk and witty. 

So I say to myself: HOW DO YOU KNOW HE/SHE ISN’T WATCHING YOU?  How do you know they aren’t learning from you?  You need to be a good example!   (This was certainly something that my mom drilled into my head growing up, even if it was only for the sake of my younger siblings.  She reminded me often that I needed to be a good example because they were always watching me.   I still pray often to be a good example to the people around me.)

Being careful what we say (or type on the internet) is important because Christ said that every idle word will be brought into judgment.  Everything counts; everything is “on the record” in heaven.

Causing or Taking Offense

But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumblingblock to them that are weak. (1 Cor. 8:9)

This tells us that it is worth thinking carefully about what we do and say lest anything we do be interpreted wrong and lead someone else into committing sin.

Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. (Luke 17:3)

There is a very subtle thing that we have to watch out for here in this verse.  If someone trespasses against us, the natural man will want us to think that we can’t talk to them about it under the assumption that they won’t listen and won’t repent. 

The thing is, to follow Christ’s instructions here, we must make the assumption instead that they will listen and will repent.

So the thing we are to take head to ourselves about is to watch out for and resist the incorrect notion that the people who offended us will not listen to us if we reprove them.  Watching our thoughts this way prevents us from subtly judging and condemning people unjustly, which in turn would prevent interpersonal problems from festering into long grudges.  Watching our thoughts this way might even allow us to share the gospel more freely.

Sabbath Observance

Thus saith the Lord; Take heed to yourselves, and bear no burden on the sabbath day, nor bring it in by the gates of Jerusalem; (Jeremiah 17:21)

It sounds like in Jeremiah’s day there was a problem with people being too loose in their Sabbath-day observance.   It looks like the concern was with what people were doing, but fundamentally it is really about what we want the day to be about.

Are we making it about the Lord and what pleases Him, or are we making it about what we want?

As one who has been trying to write a first novel, I find it is hard to turn off those thoughts about my plot and characters just because it is the Sabbath.  I feel that for me to rest and make the Sabbath all about the Lord, I have to put away those thoughts for the whole day. 

I recently had an experience where I felt I was kind of on a roll Saturday night in my writing and I didn’t want to shut it all down Sunday morning.  But I exerted my faith that the rest and the change of focus would ultimately be beneficial to me, and I mentally shut all the fiction stuff down.  I made it about the Lord and I was blessed with spiritual renewal.

Attitude about our Possessions

And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth. (Luke 12:15)

Heavenly Father knows the difference between acquisition for need and acquisition for other reasons.  There are whole books dedicated to debunking some of the materialistic thought errors we get in to that leads to clutter. 

Happily, the principle of sacrifice is a direct antidote to covetousness.

Manifesting Charity

Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. (Matt. 6:1)

This tells us we have to be careful that our motives for doing charitable works are right before God..  Heavenly Father knows the difference between a heart longing to be praised of men and a heart full of generosity. 

Leadership Responsibilities

Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood. (Acts 20:28)

Wrong thoughts: “It’s not really urgent for me to do my leadership calling; they can take care of themselves; they’re doing fine”

So I say to myself: HOW DO I KNOW?  I don’t.  I need to check to make sure.

Heavenly Father knows the difference between a church leader who is interested in height and visibility and power and praise of their position and how they look to others, versus a church leader who is interested in doing their best to nourish and strengthen the people in their charge.

Conclusion

I think these scriptures are really useful for pointing out to us what thoughts we need to particularly guard against.  I’m grateful for that instruction and validation.

What we think matters because so often it leads to action.

Looking Back from the Plough

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61 And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house.

62 And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. (Luke 9:61-62)

Jesus’s words here seem unexpectedly harsh in response to someone who just wants to say goodbye to family before leaving to follow Jesus.  Thus, it is a good bet there is a principle He is explaining that we don’t quite understand.

These verses come in a context of others who are declaring they’d like to follow Jesus and they are taught different things about the commitment required, like “The son of man doesn’t have a place to lay his head” and “Follow me, and let the dead bury their dead.”

The person in these verses wanted a chance to say goodbye to family, which seems harmless, if we assume that he had a good family who wanted the best for him and who were faithful themselves. 

But what if his family were not good people?  What if they were a major obstacle to this man in following Jesus?  In such a case, it would be better for him to separate himself and not return, since by going back even once would put himself under much negative pressure to renounce following Christ.   By asking to return to this family to say farewell, the man was certainly demonstrating his reluctance to separate himself from them.  It showed he wasn’t completely convinced that his sacrifice would bring him much greater blessings than those he enjoyed with his family. 

Jesus taught a great principle in response.  “No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”  Just like plowing is work, it takes a lot of work to be a disciple of Christ.  To look back is to wish one didn’t have to plough or to look back at one’s comfortable house and bed.   It is the equivalent of looking back with a sense of sorrow that one has to leave at all.  And yearning for past sins definitely makes us unfit for the kingdom of God.   To yearn for past sins and past dear associations that are nevertheless bad influences is as if one had never converted in the first place.  It means one has not really changed their heart and has only changed their behavior.  The kingdom of God is always an improvement over sin, not a step backward. 

Some converts to the church have literally had to separate themselves from their families, and thereby they have demonstrated great bravery, but not all have, and I think there are other ways of applying this story to us. 

Maybe we haven’t had to leave family to convert and stay faithful, but we have to leave behind all our bad habits and false traditions and our favorite little sins.  When we are called upon to repent, do we find ourselves wanting to “say goodbye” to those sins we feel especially attached to with a final binge before we take up the cross of discipleship? 

New insight on the Parable of the Sower

I was reading Talmage’s Jesus the Christ yesterday and got some new insights from the parable of the sower.

If you remember, this parable is about the four different types of ground that the seeds fell on.

19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.

20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;

21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.

22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.

23 But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. (Mattew 13:19-23)

We often think of these different types of ground as different types of people and the way they react to hearing the gospel.  But this may be doing us a disservice.  How does it help us to read it that way?  I don’t think it does much for us except to give us a self-satisfied notion that we know what’s going on.

Another question – if a person is one particular type of ground, like a bad type, are they stuck that way forever?  And if a person is a good type of ground, are they forever safe?

I’m sure you can probably answer that question with me.  No; no one is stuck forever if they don’t want to be, or forever safe in spite of themselves.

This is when I realized what the true purpose of this parable is.  It’s to be used as a self-diagnosis tool for the Saints to help us test ourselves and realize where we are.   Because we’re not always going to be good ground all the time.  For whatever reason, we may find ourselves identifying with the weedy ground or stony ground or even the wayside ground.  (I know I have, at various times.)

The even cooler thing is we’re not stuck, if that happens because we should know enough about farming to realize that for each problematic type of ground, there is a solution for how to fix it.

If the ground on the wayside is trodden down and birds come and carry away the seeds, then clearly that ground has become terribly hardened.  It has to be softened up.  (Humility!  Gratitude!  And trials!)  If birds are carrying away the seeds, the seeds need to be held onto by the ground and buried.  (Treasure and ponder over the word instead of forgetting it.)

If the ground is stony with only a shallow covering of earth, then those stones need to be broken up (with humility) or carried away (like taking away bad traditions with good doctrine).  The seed has to be planted deeper for deeper roots to form (commitment). 

If the ground is weedy and choking the good seeds, then the weeds have to be removed (priorities have to be put straight).

If the ground is fruitful, but only giving 30- or 60-fold when 100-fold is desired, then there has to be more soil amendment (nourishing doctrine and desire) and more growth (deciding to do more to stretch oneself).

This parable really is for us to act on because Jesus can sow the word profusely, but we need to be prepared for it.  He can’t do that preparation for us. 

January First Presidency Message: The Best Time to Plant a Tree

I really liked the First Presidency message for this month by President Uchtdorf, so I want to comment on it. (My words in black, his in green.) It seems to me that one of President Uchtdorf’s great strengths as an apostle is his exuberant enthusiasm and hopefulness.    

In ancient Rome, Janus was the god of beginnings. He was often depicted with two faces—one looking back on the past, the other looking forward to the future. Some languages name the month of January after him because the beginning of the year was a time for reflection as well as planning.

Thousands of years later, many cultures throughout the world carry on a tradition of making resolutions for the new year. Of course, making resolutions is easy—keeping them is a different thing altogether.

One man who had made a long list of New Year’s resolutions felt pretty good about his progress. He thought to himself, “So far, I’ve stuck to my diet, I haven’t lost my temper, I’ve kept to my budget, and I haven’t once complained about the neighbor’s dog. But today is January 2 and the alarm just went off and it’s time I got out of bed. It’s going to take a miracle to keep my streak going.”

It’s SO TRUE!!  For some reason when we start a new resolution, it is pretty easy to do it for a day or two.. or three.  But at some point the shiny wears off and then it seems like a long, hard slog.  Or something comes up that gets in the way.  Or we slack off our effort because we think we don’t need to work as hard at it as we have. 

There is something incredibly hopeful about a fresh start. I suppose at one time or another we have all wanted to start again with a clean slate.

I love getting a new computer with a clean hard drive. For a time it works perfectly. But as the days and weeks pass by and more and more programs get installed (some intentional, some not so intentional), eventually the computer begins to stall, and things it used to do quickly and efficiently become sluggish. Sometimes it doesn’t work at all. Even getting it to start can become a chore as the hard drive becomes cluttered with miscellaneous chaos and electronic debris. There are times when the only recourse is to reformat the computer and start over.

Human beings can likewise become cluttered with fears, doubts, and burdensome guilt. The mistakes we have made (both intentional and unintentional) can weigh upon us until it may seem hard to do what we know we should.

In the case of sin, there is a wonderful reformatting process called repentance that allows us to clear our internal hard drives of the clutter that burdens our hearts. The gospel, through the miraculous and compassionate Atonement of Jesus Christ, shows us the way to cleanse our souls of the stain of sin and once again become new, pure, and as innocent as a child.

But sometimes other things slow us down and hold us back, causing unproductive thoughts and actions that make it hard for us to get started.

I’d say the experience with computers is a very useful metaphor here. (And I'm not sure why I like it so much, but I do.)

Along with repentance, we need grace (enabling power of God) to help us make it through life, but we can’t have it without giving our total effort and commitment to it.  And so often we would give that total effort except we have fallen prey to destructive thought patterns that in some way weaken us.  I love that Elder Uchtdorf teaches many principles (not just here but in other talks too) that help us discover destructive thought patterns and helps us replace them with helpful ones instead. 

I have a lot of troubles with doubts, fears, and perfectionism.  I feel like I’m always fighting it, so I appreciate principles that help me escape those unproductive patterns.

Setting goals is a worthy endeavor. We know that our Heavenly Father has goals because He has told us that His work and glory is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39).

Our personal goals can bring out the best in us. However, one of the things that derail our efforts in making and keeping resolutions is procrastination. We sometimes delay starting, waiting for the right moment to begin—the first day of a new year, the beginning of summer, when we’re called as bishop or Relief Society president, after the kids get into school, after we retire.

You don’t need an invitation before you start moving in the direction of your righteous goals. You don’t need to wait for permission to become the person you were designed to be. You don’t need to wait to be invited to serve in the Church.

We can sometimes waste years of our lives waiting to be chosen (see D&C 121:34–36). But that is a false premise. You are already chosen!

I felt like this part really spoke to me.  Procrastination is one of my problems, though I don’t actually say to myself, “I’ll do it later.”  My procrastination has been in the form that Elder Uchtdorf has described above, the kind that wants to wait for the “right moment” and the kind that feels like it needs permission to do or become or start. 

My procrastination has to do with writing.  I am a writer.  So often I delay starting my writing because I’m waiting for the right moment.  But what does the right moment look like and how will I know I’ve come to it?  I keep waiting for a moment when I will feel inspired.  It is particularly insidious when it comes to working on this blog because I want to be inspired as I write about the scriptures.   The weird thing is, I’ve learned by experience that inspiration happens more while I’m working on it and rather than when I’m thinking about working on it.  So I just have to show up and start studying and writing and then it comes.

I’ve also seen some of my procrastination in the form of feeling like I need permission from someone.  One of the things I want to do is write fiction, write fabulous novels.  But I feel like I need permission!  I don’t know who from.  Maybe it’s because I have this deep-down notion that writing fiction is play, not real work.  It makes me think that just like you need mom to call the school to so you can go somewhere else during school, I need someone to call the “work police” and tell them that I have permission to write fiction for work instead of getting hired by someone else.   Maybe I need to write myself out a permission slip.  (I eventually did this.  It felt very freeing.)

I like that President Uchtdorf says our personal goals can bring out the best in us.  (Of course, he makes the implicit assumption that these goals are righteous.)  When you consider the effort that goes into working toward goals, you can see he’s right.  What else besides a goal makes you wrestle with the natural man?  Good goals always involve repentance at some level or stage.  A good goal that speaks to you fires your imagination, giving you vision.  It requires confidence and faith.  It requires you to commit and act courageously.  It requires analysis of skills and leads to learning more skills.  It leads to problem-solving.  It disciplines you and builds your perseverance.  And even when we fail, we practice repentance and re-commitment if we try again.

At times in my life I have spent sleepless nights grappling with issues, worries, or personal sorrows. But no matter how dark the night, I am always encouraged by this thought: in the morning the sun will rise.

With every new day, a new dawn comes—not only for the earth but also for us. And with a new day comes a new start—a chance to begin again.

This view of the new day as the chance to begin trying again is a big thing that gives me hope.  I’ve lived a few months when I was depressed and felt that I had no hope of anything better.  When I’ve struggled with a bad habit for so long and failed so many times, it is easy to think that there is no hope of change and that the future will get worse and worse and I should just give up and drift as the current takes me.  I’ve learned to fight this by seeing each new day as a gift of a small time that I can concentrate my efforts in.  We learn from living the commandment of keeping the Sabbath Holy that it is possible to make one day different from every other day of the week, more focused on serving God.  So we can use that same principle during the week.  Each new day we can try again to break bad habits.  Also, taking it one day at a time helps me focus on the present moment rather than worrying about the future. 

Sometimes the thing that holds us back is fear. We might be afraid that we won’t succeed, that we will succeed, that we might be embarrassed, that success might change us, or that it might change the people we love.

I’ve feared all those things at one time or another.  When fears are paralyzing, I’ve found I have to write down what I’m afraid of and try to get to the root of what is bothering me.  (I have an example of how I do this in my post about confronting myfears of introducing my neighbors to the missionaries.

It’s usually not just one fear, it is a network of fear, or a pyramid of fear, fears stacked on top of each other.  You have to pin down the fear, drag it squealing out into the day, and then talk back to it before you can kill it.

Another thing we need to remember when it comes to setting goals is this: We almost certainly will fail—at least in the short term. But rather than be discouraged, we can be empowered because this understanding removes the pressure of being perfect right now. It acknowledges from the beginning that at one time or another, we may fall short. Knowing this up front takes away much of the surprise and discouragement of failure.

When we approach our goals this way, failure doesn’t have to limit us. Remember, even if we fail to reach our ultimate, desired destination right away, we will have made progress along the road that will lead to it.

And that matters—it means a lot.

Even though we might fall short of our finish line, just continuing the journey will make us greater than we were before.

Falling short and failure is a not an end destination.  It is merely a stage in our progression. 

When I apply this to myself about my writing process, I can understand perfectly well that my first draft is not going to be a masterpiece.  It’s going to be crud.  But I can learn from it and revise.  My first novel likewise is going to fall short as well, but I’ll learn from it and revise it and my next novel will be better (although the first draft can be crud all over again.)  I can allow myself to write badly at first so I can learn from it.  (I suppose I’ll have to write myself a permission slip for that too.  ;-))

An old proverb says, “The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second-best time is now.”

There is something wonderful and hopeful about the word now. There is something empowering about the fact that if we choose to decide now, we can move forward at this very moment.

Now is the best time to start becoming the person we eventually want to be—not only 20 years from now but also for all eternity.

Sometimes it takes years for us to figure out that we really want what’s good for us.  And then we wish we’d started way earlier.  I’ve heard some converts wishing they’d found the gospel earlier in life.  I imagine we all have something like that. 

At least the present moment remains for making a beginning, right?

So what experiences have you had in which you learned more from the process than you did from the outcome?

The poisonous culture and the spiritual drought

Here’s a quote from Elder Cook's talk "Can Ye Feel So Now?" that I’ve found very powerful from Oct 2012 conference:

Today moral deterioration has escalated. One prominent writer recently said, “Everyone knows the culture is poisonous, and nobody expects that to change.”⁵ The constant portrayal of violence and immorality in music, entertainment, art, and other media in our day-to-day culture is unprecedented. This was dramatically described by a highly respected Baptist theologian when he stated, “The spiritual immune system of an entire civilization has been wounded.”⁶  It is not surprising that some in the Church believe they can’t answer Alma’s question with a resounding yes. They do not “feel so now.” They feel they are in a spiritual drought. Others are angry, hurt, or disillusioned. If these descriptions apply to you,⁷ it is important to evaluate why you cannot “feel so now.” Many who are in a spiritual drought and lack commitment have not necessarily been involved in major sins or transgressions, but they have made unwise choices. Some are casual in their observance of sacred covenants. Others spend most of their time giving first-class devotion to lesser causes. Some allow intense cultural or political views to weaken their allegiance to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Some have immersed themselves in Internet materials that magnify, exaggerate, and, in some cases, invent shortcomings of early Church leaders. Then they draw incorrect conclusions that can affect testimony. Any who have made these choices can repent and be spiritually renewed. Immersion in the scriptures is essential for spiritual nourishment.⁸ The word of God inspires commitment and acts as a healing balm for hurt feelings, anger, or disillusionment.

I want to share a few thoughts I’ve had about these words.

I appreciated how he highlighted that our culture is poisonous and no one expects that to change.  I personally think that there are degrees of poison in our culture and like the Lamanite general in the Book of Mormon who was the object of Amalickiah’s envy, we can find ourselves poisoned by degrees.   The problem is that too few of us recognize the individual elements that make up our culture’s poisonous atmosphere and say, “There’s nothing wrong with that” or “It’s no big deal” or “It doesn’t affect me” if our choices of movies, music, TV, video games, or other entertainment are questioned.   It is that kind of response that indicates our spiritual immune system has been wounded!

“It is not surprising that some in the Church believe they can’t answer Alma’s question with a resounding yes. They do not “feel so now.” They feel they are in a spiritual drought.”

Our spirits require nourishment every day.  Eternal truth is the only thing that can do that for us.  If our media choices are poisonous or even just void of spiritual nourishment, then it is a natural consequence for us to feel we are in a spiritual drought.  Spiritual droughts weaken commitment and enthusiasm for the gospel. 

How do you get out of culture-induced spiritual drought?  You have to realize that no media choice you make is without significance.  Every point at which you engage with culture is important and ultimately has an effect on you—internet, TV, books, magazines, games, phone, etc.  

At every point, you have to start asking yourself whether what is being portrayed is consistent with the commandments of God.  You have to ask yourself whether you are being spiritual edified.  And if you answer honestly that you are not being edified and nourished and encouraged to do the right thing, you have be willing to STOP and move on to something more nourishing, something that can help you “feel so now” that you have a change of heart and can sing the song of redeeming love.  You also have to go to sources where you know you will be nourished spiritually—church, scriptures, the temple, conference reports, etc.

Media is not the only problem, though.

“Many who are in a spiritual drought and lack commitment have not necessarily been involved in major sins or transgressions, but they have made unwise choices. Some are casual in their observance of sacred covenants. Others spend most of their time giving first-class devotion to lesser causes. Some allow intense cultural or political views to weaken their allegiance to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Some have immersed themselves in Internet materials that magnify, exaggerate, and, in some cases, invent shortcomings of early Church leaders. Then they draw incorrect conclusions that can affect testimony. Any who have made these choices can repent and be spiritually renewed.”

Elder Cook lists four additional choices we make that have the effect of decreasing our commitment and increasing spiritual drought in our lives.  I think it is important to understand each of them and what can be done about them.

“Some are casual in their observance of sacred covenants.”   Being casual means to act without sufficient care or thoroughness.  I find that when I am casual about keeping my covenants, it usually arose out of reluctance to do the work required to be complete and exact.  And eventually I realize my spiritual blessings are reduced in proportion to how much my effort is reduced.  Repenting of this requires that I commit to doing my best, to face my challenges head-on, to refrain from murmuring at what is required, and to seek the Lord’s help in everything for which I feel inadequate.

“Others spend most of their time giving first-class devotion to lesser causes.”  Remember Elder Oaks’s talk about good, better, and best?  When we give our best energy to the good instead of the best causes, we miss out on the nourishing blessings and satisfaction we would otherwise gain.  With so much that we can choose, if we do the good before we get to the best, we often won’t have any time left for the best.  This is all about getting our priorities straight.  Repenting requires that we put the Lord and eternal priorities first in our lives. 

“Some allow intense cultural or political views to weaken their allegiance to the gospel of Jesus Christ.”  Total immersion in a particular view causes us to have difficulty accepting opposing balancing principles.  The church tends to moderate opposing principles, seeking balance between them.  When our own views on a subject seem more intense than those expressed by others in the church, we may find that we resent the church, thinking it does not go far enough in the direction we want.  It is hard to be loyal to a church when it does not seem loyal enough to us and what we hold dear.  However, the church is not the gospel.  The gospel is the perfect plan and the church is not perfect yet, nor yet are we.  Our obsession with a cause masks our imbalance and our other imperfections from our sight.  This can lead to a crisis in which we become offended and have to make a difficult choice between taking ourselves out of the church and moderating our views.  Repenting requires great humility and meekness, becoming willing to learn and practice balancing principles.

“Some have immersed themselves in Internet materials that magnify, exaggerate, and, in some cases, invent shortcomings of early Church leaders. Then they draw incorrect conclusions that can affect testimony.”  When we honestly need help refuting these kinds of criticisms, we can get help from websites like FAIR (www.fairlds.org).  However, deliberately immersing oneself in critical material is not the way to build faith.  It is a tempting thing to do; the rationale is usually, “I have to know everything the critics might say so that I can know how I might be attacked by others.”  The problem is, immersion is study, and study creates an inner climate of whatever that material is, and studying criticism creates a personal inner climate of criticism and affects how you see the world.  Repenting and being renewed after this kind of spiritual drought can be a very long process, but it is possible.  It requires avoiding critical material and instead studying edifying and faith-promoting material.  Critical material leaves a poison of skepticism* in the mind long afterward, so we will need careful, continuous mental effort to confront skeptical thoughts and make conscious choices to believe and act with faith.

When I review my own life, I see two consistent causes of lack of commitment in my own life (although I have experienced other causes as well).  Either I get weary of working so hard to do good, or I get distracted by something else.  I am grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who helps me discern when I am not committed enough and who provides me with frequent chances to recommit by taking the sacrament and frequent reminders to refocus me.

What causes you to become less committed?  How do you stay on track or get back on track? 

Doting about questions and strifes of words

 Here’s an entry from my scripture journal from over a year ago.  I found it useful then, but didn’t feel like I could share it until now.

3 If any man teach otherwise, and consent not to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which is according to godliness;

 4 He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings,

 5 Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.  (1 Tim. 6:3-5)

I found this block of verses and I was excited because it perfectly skewers a problem I’ve been having lately with my own thoughts.  They are thoughts of not fully consenting to wholesome words of doctrine and asking, “But what about me?” and “But what if…?” as if the wholesome words won’t be true for me.  I’ve realized something was wrong with it, but I haven’t been able to put my finger on why.  But Paul does, brilliantly.

It is pride to think that the rules and promises won’t apply to me.  If the wholesome words do not answer my questions, then nothing can answer to my satisfaction and I must just obsess about those questions endlessly, envying others for the blessings that come to them (because they keep the commandments) but not to me (because I don’t), surmising evil will happen to me and everyone else, and falling back on filthy lucre as a manifestation of God’s favor (because spiritual blessings are withdrawn).

But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage. (Mosiah 7:33)

This, I suppose, is the antidote to my problem above, along with repentance.  I need to turn to God with full purpose of heart and serve Him with all diligence of mind.